


And Then He Was Just Gone

by OverExposed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Suicide, possible trigger warnings, reply to a suicide note, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 05:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3163031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverExposed/pseuds/OverExposed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean got scared. He didn't want to hurt anyone else. So he killed himself, not before admitting his uh feelings for an angel in a trench coat. And of course a goodbye to Sammy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Then He Was Just Gone

**Author's Note:**

> First Time writing don't kill me. I don't normally write about death but this sort of happened.

It was pretty simple. With just one tug of the rope,one bullet, one jump, one too many pills he could end it all. No more hurting people. He would fight coming back from wherever he would end up. This was the last time. Maybe this time he'd find peace. He wrote his note, knowing of all the words he has through his life these would be the ones they would remember.

And then he was _gone._

 

_Dear Cas ~~tiel~~ , _

 

_I'm sorry. Well no, not really. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I ended my life to safe many others. I'm not sorry the world loses Dean Winchester. I'm not sorry that you are the most amazing man I have ever met. I am not sorry that the first time I **ever** looked into your eyes I felt something rise in my throat. I'm not sorry that your beautiful awkwardness made me laugh then I had in a long time. God I wish I could see your face when you read this. Most of all I am not sorry that I let myself fall inlove with you. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me. But you must understand there just wasn't any other way. Maybe someday we would find a way to live with the mark, but I don't want to be like Cain. I am not cut out to be a beekeeper. But maybe you would like that. I remember when you sat on the hood of Baby naked and covered in bees. Hey that reminds me. Take care of Baby. Don't let Sammy douche her out. Again _

_Look I know you don't really understand this right now. I commited suicide. I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't go back to being a demon. I can't do this anymore. Cas, I have literally been through hell and back. Let this be my last time, okay? Let me go. Maybe one day will meet again, on the other side. I know you don't love me. I hope you don't mind if for my last minutes while I write this I pretend you do._

_I've gotten pretty pathetic aye?  Well I guess now that I'm dead I can't expose you to any of the movies I love. But just check out all the MARVEL and DC superheroes and watch every single on of them. The new Avengers movie is coming out in May. You and Sammy go see that for me okay? Bask in the glory that is Captain America and Iron Man's secret relationship. All that subtext... just ask Sam. So uh look out for my little brother. And if possible do me one last favor?_

_Get Adam out of the cage. Fix him up. No matter what he is still a Winchester. Tell Sam that is my dying wish. Also tell him to stop hitting dogs._

_Dear little angel, remember, don't ever change I love you. God this hurts. I never even got to kiss you. Take you on a real date. I have never wanted to be with someone this much. I guess that is where I went wrong. Emotions just get in the way. I hope you forgive me for leaving you all alone. I am selfish and i didn't want to deal with the memories anymore. Which is stupid, you lose your best friend because he can't deal with a little pain. I mean, Castiel, you went to Hell and back twice, all for me. You saved my life for a reason and I let you down. I screwed up your life and well, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I said yes to Michael. Maybe I would have never taken the mark. Maybe I'd still be yours. Or maybe the entire world would have gone kabloo-ey._

_But now I'm gone._

_Don't miss me too much._

 

_Yours,_

_Dean Winchester_

 

 

So that's it. A couple words on a scrap of paper and he's gone. Now Cas could never tell him that yes, he was hopelessy inlove with him. Cas could never tell him he liked the way his hands moved. He could never tell Dean some of the many things he had wanted to. He waited too long. He should have- should have done a lot of things. It didn't matter now. He would fufill Dean's last wishes. And then maybe someday he would see him on the other side. And this would all be over. And they could just exist.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two years. Three Months. One week and two days.

 

Castiel and Sam got Adam out of the cage. And well he's okay. He started talking, stop screaming, seldom having nightmares. What they say is true,time heals all wounds. Who "they" are Castiel doesn't know. He figures they are some sort of all knowing power, though when he brought this to Sam and Adam they just laughed. Things are different now. But they can talk about Dean without being too sad. Castiel and Sam did end up going to see the new Avenger's movie. Dean would have liked all the "Stony" subtext. Cas got his original grace back. Sam hit a cat. Then he took it home and named it Dean. Dean would have hated the mangey thing. Adam started reading the Harry Potter series. 

Now whenever Cas get's lonely he would write Dean a letter, tie it to a green balloon and let it go.

 

_Dear Dean Winchester,_

_I believe it's time for you to come home. See your brothers and I miss you quite a lot. And I believe your damn selfishness deprived me of my first kiss. Rush home and a kiss will be waiting for you._

 

 

_Dear Dean Winchester,_

_I miss you. I don't care if you "aren't sorry" that doesn't give you the write to just up and leave me. I loved you. And you just went. How could you leave me? How could you just decide to die? I needed you. And you weren't there._

 

_Dean Winchester,_

_I hate you. God I hate you so much. It's not fair. You left me. And know I have to live with your choice. Why couldn't you have just asked for help? Why did you have to leave? I am an angel for fuck's sake. When he got rid of the mark I could have made you forget. But no. Dean Winchester you don't understand. I can't just "Let you go"!_

 

_Dean,_

_This is my last letter. I am going to leave you in my memories because otherwise it is simply too painful. See you on the otherside... someday._

 

Castiel wasn't always angry at Dean, just sad and lonely. Until one day he came to the terms, (with Sam's help) the Dean was wasn't coming back. and he was just  _gone._

 

 

 

_Dear Cas ~~tiel~~_

~~_I'm back_ ~~

_Yours,_

~~_Dean Winchester_ ~~

  
  


 


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